It almost burst.

I was on my way back to KL after an event in Penang last Friday. This was the first time i took the Konsortium buses to Puduraya from Sg. Nibong Bus Terminal. I usually ride with Mara Liner. =D

During the 5 hour-something bus ride, we stopped only once at a Petronas just after Ipoh, i think. That time, i didn't have much to let go, if you get what i mean. So i thought i'd fine until i reached KL.

*gasps*

How wrong was i. When we reached Duta toll, there was already a long line of trucks, busses, and cars! Suddenly, i felt the urge to go put out a fire. =/ At first, it was controllable. Then slowly, things at my south region began to feel "out of control" when it dawned on me that today was a Friday, and it is evening. *GASPS*

I'M STUCK IN TRAFFIC ON A FRIDAY AFTER WORKING HOURS!

$#%$^&%*^()!!!

I kept the faith. After a short traffic congestion at the toll, the buss sped off -- only to my horror, minutes later -- into a MEGA traffic jam around the Damasara exit from Duta. I frequent there, so i know, sure SEI KANG KER LARRR....!!! T__T

By this time, images of me dashing out of the bus and taking a pee on the grass by the road (with all the cars stuck in jam behind me) kept flashing through my mind. I sat with my legs crossed. T_T

Lucky the bus driver smart, took into the emergency lane and kept left where traffic was moving until he took a turn at the Parliament high pass heading towards Lake Gardens. I was relieved.

But it was short lived as soon as he turned into Tun Perak. I SO KNOW THAT ROAD. So the nightmare wan, and to make things worse, there as an event happening at Dataran Merdeka, and the very considerate policeman HAD to close the Jalan Tun Perak BEFORE my bus got into it. Thank you. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. =/

Lucky the bus driver still smart, he noticed the policeman dragging the barricade from far off, he began to turn into Jalan Raja Laut, where he then sped off until he made a U-Turn at Medan Mara.

I passed the toilet at LRT Bandaraya. Then another opposite Medan Mara. And countless of opportunities to dash out and pee in the drain. OMGosh, it drove me half insane!!!

Then when i thought the bus would turn left into Jalan Campbell and join Tun Perak via Melaka Street intersection, it went straight into Jalan Tunku abdul Rahman -- the BUSIEST STREET KNOWN TO MAN IN MALAYSIA. So there goes my bladder. T_______________T

This is not a posed picture. =D

By this time, with my dam almost bursting, and the bus jerking as it inched little by little through the impossible traffic, i was already power gripping my seat's handle bar!! Body fidgeting. Legs crossed even tighter. I swear, i could hardly feel my _ _ _ _ _. @@

Then i got SO THE FED UP, cause the bus made a whole big turn just to end up meters away from the police barricade. =_=" This time i think the bus driver not-so-smart lo. @@!!

I kept praying that i don't embarrass myself with with jeans and by the time i reached McD Tun Perak, i was already making obvious hand actions in the bus. It was OBVIOUSLY to distract my mind from opening the valve down below. I think other passengers thought something was wrong in my head, like a screw loose or something. =/

I actually wanted to run into McD to pee, then run to Puduraya to collect my luggage when the bus stops. In that traffic, i'll be done even before the bus stops, i thought. I was so nail-bitingly irritated when i realized the bus driver didn't want to let two other passengers alight before Puduraya. Have to tahan again. T__________________T

The close to 50 minutes flood prevention ordeal ended when the bus came to a halt in front of Menara Maybank. With very minimum civic consciousness, i waded pushing kids, old uncle and aunties aside my way from the back of the bus in the quickest time, grabbed my luggage, and stomped my way to KFC. Waa.. life saver! XD

It took me about 1.15 minutes (give or take) to open the flood gates. *RELIEVED* You see, it took so long i actually had it timed. *SO VERY RELIEVED* And in that time, i notice the same old uncle i "politely shoved" in the bus used the urinal next to mine, and finished BEFORE ME. =/ haha

I walked out of KFC feeling like a lighter man, almost floating with each step. =DD

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The story of moral here is: Well, you all oredy know what to do and what not to do. Im just sharing to make people smile. Hope none were put off with the descriptions in this post. LOL

Gosh, like this oso can make a post?! Well, you betcha! :P

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ps. this is by far, the most painful i-can't-wait-to-pee experience ive ever encountered. so it is only natural for me to HAVE to blog about it. =DD

pps. i CANNOT imagine the same situation, replaced with stomach ache. I think that scenario will be EPIC and to live to tell the story, can win Nobel Prize oredy. =DDD